| | I'm listening to "In Her Eyes" by Josh Groban at the moment and I'm feeling a little bit despaired. I got the Harry Pottter book and am on page 200. But, that's just random information.
I.....love a man, a guy I work with. I keep on having these moments that I can ask him out, but I'm too afraid. I love him so much, it's not a crush at all. If he says no......my heart will break. He might say yes, but I wish I was more positive. I'm not even really upset about this situation. I feel lonely.....really lonely. I feel like I have no friends anymore, even though I could see them whenever I wanted to. I'm so pathetic, I don't want to be alone, but yet I don't want to see my friends. I want to just draw and read and be on the computer. That's all I do all freaking day when I'm not working and I'm so sick of being lazy! I hate myself for that.... I don't like being lazy, but I'm too lazy to do anything else! It's so frustrating.
I feel fat, even though I'm not really overweight. I'm just tired all the time and I eat when I'm not really hungry. I'm such a coward and too confident all at the same time. It's like I've split into two sides and can't figure out which is the true me. It's horrible. I have so many drawings to do and I can pretty much only do them when I'm inspired and when I'm inspired I become too lazy, so I don't do the drawing even though it's been a year, since the person requested it. I feel so awful and worthless.... Why am I like I am? Is my mother to blame? I know it's not my father, he's not lazy and he gets everything done. You can call him a role model to me. Well, I don't believe in role models, because even role models have their flaws.....
It's so hot in my house and I feel sick. I want to just forget about all the stress I'm going through, but I can't. It's not even school yet and I've been stressed all summer!!!! I'm so sick of this...PLEASE let this go away, it's eating at me. I'm not even aware of much of what I'm typing. I'm just letting my thoughts and feelings flow out. I don't think I've ever typed this fast before. It feels good, except for the fact that my hand is cramping up. XD
Anyways, thank you so much for those who read this and I'm sorry I wasted your time. And for those who didn't read this, well, I hope you're just as miserable as I am and that's why you didn't read this, because you didn't have time. No one has time in this world. Not even for family......
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| | Posted 7/28/2007 12:41 AM - 19 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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